


Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph

by heylifeitsemily



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: Deadfire Spoilers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, I'm not going to pretend it's a happy ending but it's an ending alright, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 02:57:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21228659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heylifeitsemily/pseuds/heylifeitsemily
Summary: Aloth bids the Watcher farewell once more.





	Icarus was not failing as he fell, but just coming to the end of his triumph

The first time Aloth bids her farewell, it is not a particularly cold nor warm morning. The sun peeks through the swathes of sky the clouds do not obscure, and though they are few and far between, it is by no means dreary over the grounds. It is easy to forget the disarray of the estate prior to her intervention, the careful partitioning and allocation of funds, efforts, and personnel, crafting a fortress worthy of splendour and respect in equal measure. Evain has a knack for balance. For mending that which been broken.

It is not a question of if he should leave – there is work yet to be done, an order yet to dismantle. He would not presume to ask that she follow him either, as tempting as it seems at the thought of travelling without her wit to keep him company. The Lady of Caed Nua has duties to tend to, and he his. 

His pack is heavy on his shoulders, and the weight of it steepens when he feels her presence – feels more so than perceives, her footsteps often too light even for his keen senses to make out. He turns to find her watching him with her head cocked to the side, a hibiscus from the gardens tucked behind her ear, stark against the bluish tones of her hair. The smile she wears is not joyful nor wholly sad, but it sways his stomach all the same.

“You’ll write to me every once in a while, won’t you? Just so I know Iselmyr’s tongue hasn’t gotten you killed yet.”

“Aye, I’ll have the lad pen ye,” Iselmyr speaks through his lips. He is not so furious at the intrusions now, not when they are good-natured, and not with Evain. She has always accepted the whole of him. Her smile brightens, and she covers the distance between them in two strides to wrap her arms around his waist.

His hands hover before settling on her shoulder blades. He is not sure that he deserves such trust, but she has made a point to dole out kindness from the moment they met regardless of what the recipient supposedly merited.

With no prompting, she had stepped in front of a man with a sharp tongue not wholly his own and slayed his attackers. She had kept him fed and dry shod as they travelled, kept his spirits bright, met him with patience over judgement. She led them to the Sanitarium the morning after he mentioned it, and sat hand in hand with him through the ordeal, grounding him. She had every right to send him away as Defiance Bay burned, and yet she did not. By now he must owe her his life a hundred times over.

And what has he done in return? He checks on her in each fight more than he does the others, perhaps more than is necessary, and tends her wounds with gentler hands. When sleep cannot reach him, he is unofficially stationed outside her room at night, ready to ward off any disturbance of the rest she is so rarely afforded. It all seems little recompense after the compassion she has shown him time and time again, and there are no words for the gratitude he feels as he holds her.

He is not sure that he could meet her eyes for the vulnerability in his own, so instead he presses closer. “Goodbye, my friend.”

“Goodbye, Aloth. Look after yourself out there.”

The second time, he begins the morning by untangling himself from her limbs, pressing a kiss to her temple. It feels cruel to the both of them, and yet he does it again, and again, and again until she shifts to catch his lips with her own.

Few words are exchanged. They had been said at the onset, below the deck of the Defiant when she had leaned over his grimoire to kiss him in the middle of a thought, both of them run ragged in surveilling the island coast and soaked through from the rain. They had been tired, miserable, and smitten, even as he spoke of leaving her side.

She had once told him that a single individual can spur change. Their world is godless now, and while much has changed in the aftermath, what she has taught him remains unyielding.

They stand on the deck facing eastward, hands intertwined and hanging loosely between them.

“I am a better person for having known you, Aloth Corfiser.”

It seems trite to repeat the same sentiment back, but nothing else can capture the crux of it. He has carried her with him for seven years, her altruism and her guile, and to say that he loves her feels inadequate against the sun rising over the horizon and limitless possibilities before them. It cannot describe the breadth and depth of the emotion swelling in his chest, the admiration he has always held for her, the hope that they will meet once more and neither duty nor circumstance will lead them astray. 

“And I am better for having known you, Evain.”

There are tears in her eyes, or at least he thinks so, struggling to see through his own. Even so, they are both smiling so wide that their cheeks ache. Perhaps they will meet again, and by then he will have the words to communicate all that she means to him.

And if this is to be their last farewell, if over breakfast was the last time she makes him laugh, if the night before was their last rousing discussion of animancy theory, and if this is the last kiss he presses to her forehead, they part with conviction in their eyes and calm seas ahead. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title is taken from Jack Gilbert's "Failing and Flying", which is not analogous to this but does capture the sense that something ending and perhaps ending badly does not take away the joy of its happening at all
> 
> listen if you're out there and you got an ending where Aloth stays with the Watcher then power to you but even as I read that ending slide and my chest was filled with longing and despair I knew I'd done right by him, that if he has learned anything in their years together, it is that one person can change the world. and maybe that's too much to put on one man's shoulders, but should we not aspire to do so just the same? Evain had been selfless enough to save kith, selfless enough to let him go, and when she told him change can be brought about by one person, she is selfish enough to wish he hadn't listened
> 
> anyway that's my fun little pillars of eternity rant for the day. hope you liked the fic, and dont forget to tip your waiter!


End file.
